Ok, So I'm a Control Freak.

My last lesson was awesome and so was the one the week before that. Two weeks ago I had a lesson riding bareback and at the walk. By the end of it, I felt solid and comfortable enough to trot. But! I didn't. I know enough to save that for another day and to learn to manage it a couple of strides at a time until I can feel comfortable expanding the time I can post the trot bareback.

Last week was forward seat work at the trot and over ground poles! I started out with my mind freezing up because I felt totally out of control in 2 point performing a crest release. OK I was totally not in control. Trickster in his wise way let me know that if I quit thinking and directing him that he was just going to find the rail and wait until I told him which way to go. Ok so that started my brain again. Well, I found that I started freezing up when he started rushing the poles (event horse gets happy when presented with an obstacle) and my instructor slapped me with a "why aren't you changing directions every lap?" "Uh, I did change once!" "Hey! that means my brain worked once!".

So what that really means to me is that a loss of control (or the feeling thereof) is a major trigger of fear for me. By the end of the lesson, I felt great! I felt better about allowing him to do his job and staying out of the way and that it is still a part of the dialogue between horse and rider and not a drop in communication (rendering me powerless and held hostage).

I have to say that my instructor is amazing about pushing me, but not losing her mind if I just can't do it. She softens and asks again. Likely the best way to work with a horse as well. She doesn't give up on me as long as I'm giving it all I've got too. That is saying something because I'm not the kind of student who is ever going to make her famous. I try my guts out every lesson. I want to ride well/competantly and with as little fear as necessary more than I've ever wanted anything in my life but at my age I'll never be Grand Prix material. Yet, it seems like she's as committed to my goals as I am and even if it's a fairly long road.

I know there aren't alot of instructors with the time of day for approaching middle aged (read "old") chicken pony riders but the ones that will invest their time in us are worth their weight in gold.

Here are pictures of my ponies doing silly useless things: The first is Shazaam. I know he doesn't tuck his legs enough to have any decent form jumping. This was about obedience and just a little something different to do. The second picture is Phantom bowing. The guy is my trainer, Rick Bates.